Self Realization is the first step to improvement.

Kabhi kabhi main yeh sochta hoon..Ki bhagwaan ne mujhe indian kyun banaya.. kuch to wajah hogi jo mujhe hindi sikhayi.. Kuch to wajah hogi ki punjabi sunke dil garden garden ho jata hain.. Kya wajah hain..?! Yeh silly love story wali movies samajh ne ke liye..?! Ya ek aisa culture samjhane ke liye jisme pyar ko har cheez ke upar value kiya jata hain..?! Lekin fir main pyar se bhaagta kyun hoon..?! Har koi kehta hain ki haan pyar yeh hota hain.. pyar woh hota hain.. Pyar aisa hota hain.. waisa hota hain.. pyar yoon hota hain.. Par mujhe lagta hain ki pyar ki baatien wahi karte hain jo sach main pyar karne e darte hain.. jaise ki main kar raha hoon.. 

Kisi se itna pyar karna ki khud ko bhool jana.. bahut darawana concept hain.. bachpan main jab khud ko bhool jata tha to cycle se gir jaata tha.. Chot lagti thi.. khoon aata tha.. Rona aata tha.. And pyar main to dil ko danger hota hain yaar.. pair pe chot lage to band aid laga sakta hoon.. sala dil ka kya karoonga..?! Daaru kaam nahi karti.. mood aise badalta hain ki jaise kisi ne button daba diya ho aur main kisi aur ke control main hoon.. 

Socho ki koi itna kareeb aa jaye ki jab mood kare tumhari watt laga jaaye.. Dar to lagega na.. to fir main kyun likh raha hoon pyar ke baare main.. Cause zindagi main mujhe kisi cheez se dar nahi lagta.. siwa bhagwan ke.. aur akelepan se.. Apne aap ko ghira rakhta hoon logon ke saath.. kuch dost.. kuch kaminey.. ek bhai.. aur kuch puraani yaadien.. Ab main un yaadon ki peeche chodna chahta hoon.. Ek dabbey main band kar ke.. cause dabba kahaan rakha hain eh to yaad aa jayega.. ya kahin map bana doonga.. lekin zindagi dubara nahi aayegi mere raaste.. 

Who ever you are.. wherever you are.. I’m losing my patience.. Can you cut through traffic and hurry up please..?! Thanks.. I’m bored..!!

If I had to start recounting the events of this weekend.. I would have truly fulfilled the purpose that tumblr serves for most people I know.. A place to vent without consequences.. But tonight I wish to choose my words carefully and with thought.. Something I haven’t been doing lately.. Words.. my best weapons.. and my worst enemies.. I’ve played with them for as long as I can remember.. Using them as a means to my ends.. The dreams I’ve woven and the ego’s I have shattered.. Words have witnessed it all.. My words have been the culprits of many a crimes.. Some notorious and some docile.. 

But tonight I choose my words carefully.. Tonight I wish to use only these words that follow..

Nitin Mula: I am sorry for the way I reacted to your allegations. I’m not sorry for what I said.

Akshay Patel: You’re my homie and nothing’s going to change that.

Tony Roy: You’re the best brother in the world anyone can ask for.

Anne Manaloor: You’re the best friend anyone can ask for.

Lamesh Kanwal: You know i was just playing bro. sorry if I crossed a line.

Brown Sugar: I had a dream about you.. A crazy dream indeed.. I had to pick between you and immortality. Guess what I picked?

Drummer Boy: Thanks for having my back always.

Jay Kamani: You’re a good friend and a good man.

Leeda Mathew: How’s the application Process coming? (njan ninaku tanne application.. Na mean..?! :D)

And to all my friends and family.. I love you for loving me for who I am.. I am who I am because you’ve been in my life and I’m ever so grateful for that.. Everyday of my life.. 

To all the people who have managed to piss me off in some way shape or form, or you happen to be on my “not so fav people” list. I have this to say to you..

I’m sorry for being mad at you, and for not having shown you love and respect and compassion. I pray that I have the strength to forgive you and move on with my life. And I pray that you do the same.. And if not.. then let’s grab a coffee and talk about it..?! Sounds good..?!

And for all those people who don’t know this about me.. I am Ronnie Roy.. I am random.. and I say what’s on my mind.. And this is what’s on my mind tonight..!! :D

Love.

We hear all these messages and all these preachers everyday.. and it makes me wonder.. what is sound theology? Cause every preacher I hear comes at the scriptures with their own point of view.. They have a message from God that they will die for and will spend any amount of money it would take to bring that message to me..!! But how do I know that what they preach is sound theology and what God is indeed asking me or telling me to do? 

What is my duty as a christian and as a believer when it comes to accepting and applying wisely all that is sent my way from the pulpit?? I think i have a duty to myself and my future generation to learn how to use the Bible use it as a standard in life. Every word that falls upon your ear that sounds like someone telling you what God thinks you should do, has to be tested against the word of God, the bible.

Anyone got a remedy for sleeplessness that doesn’t involve alcohol or pills..?! Warm milk doesn’t work. Tried it already.. 

So today I woke up late for class.. Well before that I slept late.. I went to bed at 7:00 am.. expecting to be up by 9..!! Yeah.. that definitely went over well..!! Cause it’s 11:33 and I’m here blogging in my bed about how I was supposed to be in class and hour and a half ago..!! :D

So much for that..!! Thanks for trying to wake up Anne..!! I see the missed calls now..!! :D Guess it’s time to do extra work to make up what i missed in class today..!!

Dear love,

If I could tell you how much you mean to me.. I know I would run out of words.. But I want you to know that I have loved you truly and deeply.. More than I have ever loved myself.. and in my vulnerability and the fear and panic and pain.. I have felt a safety and a comfort that nothing in life has given me.. You’ve made me laugh and you’ve made me cry.. you’ve hurt me and torn me down.. and brought me back from the brink of death with your smile.. You have taught me to love in ways I never knew possible.. 

Dear love.. I hate you with a passion for what you have done to me.. For making me realize that life without you seems painfully lonely.. and despite my shell, I like someone who can kick me in my shin and then make me forget the pain by just looking me in the eye.. I’m grateful that you ever came into my life and that you chose to love me..

I’m sorry that I scared you away.. I’m sorry I didn’t realize the fear in your heart when it was beating so fast I could hear it.. I’m sorry I didn’t kiss you when I should have and comforted you in the warmth of my embrace.. I’m sorry that I let go of something so beautiful and I didn’t even realize it.. I’m sorry I brought you to that point where you had no choice but to hurt me.. 

Dear love.. Thank you for waltzing back into my life like you never left.. and for being here.. Thank you for loving me the way you did.. and the way you do.. Thank you for being you.. and letting me love you..!! I know I have used the word love way to many times in the last few paragraphs.. when really all I needed to say is…

Dear Love,

I love you..!! :D